Living Only For Myself: Make Those Who Hate Me Regret It

Chapter 384 - 383: I Really Hate This About You...

Xu Su gave him a knowing look. ’Surely Zhou Mochen, as one of the guys, would know more about this than I do.’

But Zhou Mochen fell silent for a long while, as if presented with a difficult problem. He then leaned forward slightly, lowered his head, and asked, "What’s your theory?"

"What other theory could there be!" Xu Su thought he was deliberately playing dumb. She pinched his waist in a huff. "A playboy suddenly mends his ways and stops playing the field. What other reason could there possibly be?"

"What reason could there be..." Zhou Mochen’s gaze darkened. He set aside the proposal in his hands, cupped Xu Su’s chin to tilt her face up, and stared at her intently. "What are you really trying to say?"

Xu Su had no idea their trains of thought weren’t even on the same track...

She might be oblivious about other things, but she was keenly perceptive when it came to shifts in Zhou Mochen’s mood.

"Are you upset?" Xu Su blinked. "I know it’s not right to pry into Shen Chen’s private life, but I didn’t know you’d get angry at me over it..."

In her past life and this one, Xu Su had always spoken her mind in front of Zhou Mochen. There had never been any taboo topics between them.

As long as Xu Su asked, Zhou Mochen would answer without exception.

But this time...

’Had she overestimated her place in his heart?’

Xu Su pressed her lips together and forced a smile. "Sorry, I won’t ask anymore."

Suddenly, the whole thing felt pointless. Xu Su pushed herself off his lap and, after a moment’s thought, spoke up. "Zhou Mochen, don’t keep changing your expression on me like that. It makes me feel awful."

’Were Zhou Mochen’s feelings for her truly love?’ she couldn’t help but wonder again.

’Without that history of unforgettable, unrequited love, could a person’s feelings just inexplicably turn into love?’

’And even if it was love, without a deep foundation, it must be fragile and shallow...’

’So fragile that she couldn’t speak her mind freely in front of him, because a single, simple sentence might be enough to displease him.’

’That absolute indulgence he used to show her was a thing of the past.’

Xu Su lowered her eyes. Her heart, which had never suffered any romantic setbacks, now felt incredibly wronged.

She recalled Xi Zirong’s words: once you fall for someone, you can’t help but become insecure, nervous, afraid, and lose all your confidence...

’That seemed to be exactly her situation right now...’

A firm grip on her waist snapped Xu Su out of her thoughts.

Zhou Mochen cupped her chin, his eyes lowered to carefully study her expression. When he saw that she was genuinely upset, he said with a sigh of resignation, "When did my expression change? Susu, have you learned how to falsely accuse people now?"

"Whatever you say," Xu Su had lost all interest in talking.

’She didn’t like the person she was becoming. All her boyfriend did was let his expression darken a little, and here she was, getting this upset, becoming insecure, and starting to doubt if he even liked her anymore...’

’This mindset was downright pathetic, and it didn’t suit her at all!’

Xu Su remembered the warning her heart had given her back at Kang County First Middle School.

’This really is dangerous...’

’This wasn’t right.’ Xu Su had always believed that loving someone five parts out of ten was enough; seven was the absolute limit.

’And now, how much did she love him?’

The question gave her a headache. She looked up at the man, who was completely oblivious to her turmoil, and a wry smile touched her lips. "Zhou Mochen, how much do you think I like you?"

Before he could answer, she added, "Never mind. You don’t have to answer."

"What is wrong with you?" Her behavior was clearly off, and Zhou Mochen’s heart leaped. "Xu Su, if you have something to say, then say it clearly. Don’t just make assumptions about me in your head. I’m not angry with you, so stop misunderstanding me."

"It’s nothing," Xu Su said softly, shaking her head. "And I’m not misunderstanding you. It’s my own issue. It has nothing to do with you."

’Whether he was angry at her wasn’t important. What was important was that she couldn’t accept this version of herself—this timid, fearful, insecure person she became for love.’

In that moment, Xu Su made a decision. She would stop investing her feelings in Zhou Mochen right here. She had already invested more than enough; she absolutely could not let herself sink any deeper.

Having her every joy and sorrow dictated by one person was simply too terrifying.

’He was powerful and influential; he could take whatever he wanted by force or by guile. He held all the cards—whether they broke up or not was his decision to make. She could only be forced to accept it...’

’And her?’

’What did she have?’

’If she truly gave him her whole heart, and then one day he grew tired of her and decided to break up, would she have to kneel and beg him not to go?’

’But the reality was, if Zhou Mochen ever decided to leave, given her status, she would probably have a hard time even seeing him again.’

’It was a dangerous investment she couldn’t afford to make. It was a bet she couldn’t afford to lose.’

’She had to hold something back for self-preservation...’

If Zhou Mochen could read minds at this very moment, he probably would have been so angered by Xu Su that he’d cough up blood.

He was trying so hard, so full of anticipation, wanting to earn more of her love. He wished he could just tear out his own heart and offer it to her in exchange for more of her affection.

Just when he was starting to see her reciprocate, this baseless misunderstanding had triggered her defense mechanisms, and now she was already beating a retreat...

Even without mind-reading, and without knowing Xu Su’s thoughts, Zhou Mochen’s brow remained furrowed. His fingers hesitated for a moment before he tilted her chin up and lowered his head to kiss her.

Xu Su let her hands rest limply on his shoulders, allowing him to kiss her. Her own eyes were open, watching his face, so close to hers. His eyes were closed, his lashes thick and dark.

Zhou Mochen was kissing her earnestly, so he quickly noticed that her mind was elsewhere.

He released her chin, his hand moving to cup the back of her neck. He opened his eyes and looked at her. "What are you thinking about?"

"I was thinking I should be heading back." Xu Su glanced at the time and prepared to stand up.

Zhou Mochen’s hand was still on her neck. He wasn’t using much force, but it was enough to keep her from moving.

How could Zhou Mochen not sense the sudden shift in Xu Su’s attitude? He felt an uncontrollable frustration rising within him. Taking a deep breath to steady himself, he decided to return to their earlier topic to address the root of her odd behavior.

"Weren’t we talking about Ah Chen? It’s not too late to leave after we finish," Zhou Mochen said in a level tone. "Go on. Why do you think he’s cleaned up his act?"

"I don’t know." Xu Su was in no mood to discuss this. She tried to twist her neck away, her voice growing impatient. "Am I a cat? Why are you holding my neck?"

Zhou Mochen paused, then released the back of her neck, grabbing her wrist instead.

Xu Su tried to stand up, but just as she straightened her body, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back down.

"What is wrong with you?!" The anger and hurt she’d been suppressing for so long finally erupted. Xu Su flung his hand away. "I said I want to go back, can’t you understand me? All this time, and you still haven’t learned how to listen to what people are saying, have you?"

"Why do you always have to control my movements? Can’t I be the one to decide whether I sit or stand?" Xu Su stood up straight and looked down at the man on the sofa. "Zhou Mochen, I really hate that about you."

’I really hate that about you...’

The fingers of the hand she had flung away trembled. Zhou Mochen lowered his head, saying nothing.